Thursday, June 19, 2008

I want to be Pregnant...

NOT...seriously...I am way too young and way too inexperienced to have a baby...and I'm at the "ripe" age of 27. And yet...what baffles me is that in Gloucester High School a group of girls got together and decided, "let's all get pregnant so we can raise our babies together". Is there some reason they couldn't have waited until they had graduated high school, had a job, had money of some kind to support their new bundle of joy? What was the rush? Someone made the comment that perhaps these girls are seeking acceptance and unconditional love. I wonder...don't some high schools institute what it is like to have a baby by making you take care of a pretend one? I remember 5-10 years ago that a company had created a "real" baby by setting it to cry, go to the bathroom, need to be fed on a cycle. They were using them in high schools so that kids could get a feel for parenting, obviously to help dissuade the thought of becoming a parent too young. Alas...here we are, girls 16 and younger deciding it would be a good idea to have babies now, with our without the fathers. And who, pray tell, will be supplying them the funds and means of raising babies? And how are the parents oblivious to their childrens' emotions? How could someone, still a child of 16 desire something as strong as unconditional love...something they should be receiving from their parents and their family. I know it is so easy for me to wonder these things as I have no children of my own, but for the life of me I am truly baffled. When I was there age the farthest thing from my mind was having children and even further from my mind was attempting to gain acceptance.

I know I'm a joy, but believe it or not, I was truly hated in high school and most of college. People liked me well enough when I was in grade school and middle school as I was too nice and I was always attempting to be accepted, by almost any means necessary (minus anything illegal). I hung out with the most annoying kids who I know didn't really respect me or my person, but hell I was popular...I had a ridiculous amount of friends then when I entered high school I just couldn't bring myself to care. I had moved to another state and at that point all I wanted to do was maintain my 4.0 GPA and get to college and make a crap load of money so I could move out of my house. My house at the time was not fun to live in because as I grew older my mom grew slightly stricter and more annoying with my grades...yeah...I got straights A's, but that really wasn't enough for her. The thought of having babies scared the crap out of me...how would I ever take care of them? I'm pretty sure my parents would practically disown me...and to be honest in my mind, it was just downright shameful...of course on that note...I hate depending on anyone. Nope, the last thing I wanted was a baby and I could truly care less if I was accepted by any of my peers...after all...it wasn't about them, it was about me and my success in life.

I wonder reading that paragraph if perhaps I approached things from the wrong point of view...should I have cared? I certainly do not have many friends...sometimes I feel sad about that, other times I'm glad. People can be very needy when you befriend them and want to hang out all the time. I just don't have the time or patience for every time...I certainly enjoy going out with a few people a couple of times a month, other then that I am quite pleased with doing my own thing. Hmm...one of the things I really would like to do though is treat the friends I do have much better...as soon as I can regain my phone book I will be working to hang out with them as much as I can...I think I have become too self sufficient. In an effort to reinstill the human side of me that should require some closeness and less detachment I need to reach out a bit more. Truly...I can be the most detached person.

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